Shame
by Cursd818
Summary: Set after 3x18. Blair is ashamed of herself and needs to feel something clean. Dan is too drunk to realise he shouldn't be doing this. Three parts - now finished. Blair/Dan, references to Blair/Chuck, Dan/Vanessa and even the tiniest Dan/Serena.
1. Part One

**Part One**

Dan asked her to dance, and because he was compassionate without making her heart hurt, Blair said yes. It turned out he wasn't terrible and surprised her by not treading on her toes. It felt bizarre but in a good way when they ended up doing shots with Eleanor and Cyrus, so Blair continued doing so when her parents left. Dan matched her, shot for shot, and was easily twice as drunk as her when they stumbled from the wedding Chuck had orchestrated. Blair told the cab driver Dan's address – horrified that she knew it from memory – and fully intended to merely drop him off. However, she was drunk enough to forget this and accidently paid the driver. He drove away, leaving her stranded with a laughing Dan Humphrey.

With no other cabs in sight, it made sense for Blair to follow him up the stairs. He produced a bottle of cheap wine, Blair threatened to throw up, and the topic returned to Chuck. Dan repeated more of the sympathetic reassurances he'd uttered earlier. They sounded almost romantic. It was enough to make Blair lean forwards and haphazardly kiss him. Sloppy and fumbled, the kiss turned into sex. Blair needed to feel something clean and Dan was too drunk to realise he shouldn't be doing this.

Blair didn't fall asleep immediately after. Dan did. She watched him. He was so different to Chuck. Chuck slept without a sound, something which had surprised her. It had been an insight into the real Chuck who'd started out in life adhering to his father's desire for silence, only to find that screams were the only way to get Bart's attention. But Dan had never been told to stop snoring. Every sound he uttered had been adored by his parents, and nurtured to full volume.

She wasn't used to snoring. It wasn't hideous as such, more very deep breathing than anything, but it still perturbed her. As black turned to grey and Dan snored, the alcohol in Blair's system faded. Faintly, she could see Cedric on the bookcase. Judgement. She felt dirty. Dan had been committed to Vanessa. In fact, she could almost smell the other girl on the bed sheets, and it wasn't as though she owed Vanessa any kind of loyalty, but she felt bad. So bad. She'd been the wronged woman before, and now she was cheater. She felt terrible.

But before she could leave, Dan grunted and rolled in his sleep. His arm flopped over her waist and instinctively pulled her closer. A slapdash kiss was pressed to her shoulder as Dan settled back into the depths of sleep. Tears pricked at Blair's eyes. She was going to miss this: being so treasured that someone holds you even while they're asleep. She'd had that and lost it.

Even though it was a betrayal to Vanessa, Dan had made her feel clean again with that one kind action, and she wanted to wallow in nostalgia. Who knew how long it would be before someone else held her like this again? How long before she felt this normal? She took something Dan didn't even know he was offering and only relinquished it as the sky turned pink.

She carefully extracted herself from Dan's hold and got dressed, taking great care to ensure no trace of her presence remained. This night was hers to remember, not Dan's. He'd been so wasted she doubted he would. That hurt a little, but it was necessary. She slipped from the loft, taking with her the memory, and hailed a cab.

There was no one around but Blair still hugged the walls as she hurried to her dorm room. It was cold and empty, and for a second, Blair wished Georgina were there. She considered calling Serena, but dismissed the thought immediately. Instead, she wrapped herself in her comforter, crawled into bed, and realised that while there was a trace of Chuck Bass lingering within it, she smelt like Dan Humphrey. She broke into a million pieces and tried not to drown in her tears.

**NB** - Yeah, like Dan won't remember lol. This one is pretty much finished, I'm just fiddling with the third part so it will be uploaded fairly quickly. What do you guys think? =]


	2. Part Two

**Part Two**

Blair was woken in the late afternoon by a fist pounding on her door. She curled up even smaller, knowing it could only be one person and he sounded pissed off. Gradually, the pounding slowed and his voice dropped in volume. Now, he requested entry gently, pleadingly, and Blair dragged herself out of bed, not even glancing at the mirror to confirm how terrible she looked, and opened the door.

She returned to her bed immediately, leaving Dan to enter and close the door behind him. Now he was in her room, he didn't know what to say. He stared at Blair, speechless. Any anger he'd felt had dissipated during his assault on her door and he was now confronted by a clearly broken-hearted girl.

"I didn't dream it, did I?" Dan finally whispered. "You and me, we really had …" he trailed off.

Blair turned her face away. She was going to cry again. Her eyes were stinging so painfully that she couldn't prevent the whimper in her throat escaping. There was a moment of deathly silence, until Dan sat down next to her and gathered her up in his arms. Their night and its repercussions would have to wait. He whispered nonsense words of compassion to her and they made her weep even more. She had potentially destroyed his relationship, and yet, Dan was still caring enough to hold her as she cried.

And then, the touch shifted, altered, and Blair was kissing him again desperately, searching for the comfort he'd offered a few hours earlier. Dan tried to move away but Blair clung to him as though he were her only lifeline. She pushed her hands under his shirt onto his waist, feeling the taut, hot skin there that probably still tasted like sex. Dan continued to resist but Blair hardly noticed. She needed him to perform whatever magic it was that had given her a few hours of peace and respite from this crushing ache inside of her. The shame, the betrayal, the loss was too much to bear, and Dan didn't have a chance really. Blair didn't notice exactly when he succumbed, but he did.

He held Blair gently as though she were precious and loved her in the same reverent way. There was no room for self-loathing when he was trying so very hard to erase that emotion from Blair's mind. The night before had been hurried and messy and nowhere near as coordinated as this. Blair felt the urge to crawl inside Dan and live there. Dan had morals and principles and a soul. She had nothing but shame. Shame that Dan was slowly washing away.

She collapsed, exhausted, after and Dan lay silently beside her. The quiet was almost oppressive, but not quite. She noted that the sheets didn't smell like Chuck anymore, and wasn't sure if she was relieved or heartbroken.

"Blair," Dan whispered. He repeats the words several times. Blair didn't reply. It wasn't a call for her attention, more of him trying to accept what had just happened. To sleep with her while so drunk he could barely talk was one thing, but the next morning – afternoon – when he was sober, acutely aware of the betrayal he was committing, and worst of all, Blair was a wreck … He looked over at her, shame in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

She wasn't sure what he was apologising for. Her mind leapt to Chuck as it always did, but then she realised he was blaming himself. She was in a state of confusion, and he'd taken advantage. Blair decided against pointing out that she had taken advantage of him, but pressed into his arms, with or without his consent, stealing a little more of the warmth he had to offer. Dan's arms settled awkwardly around her.

She woke up alone and ran from her dorm room that reeked of the act she'd committed and with whom. Out of sight, out of mind. Now she had to begin healing. She tried to call Serena, only to find out her best friend had left with Carter Baizen. She wasn't even remotely surprised. Being at home soothed her maybe a little. She was able to forget about Dan. For the whole three days he left her alone.

**NB **- Slightly OOC? I hope not. Yes, it's short and slightly stream-of-conscience, please don't point out the obvious lol. Part 3 will be up very soon. I hope you like it =]


	3. Part Three

**Part Three**

"I can't handle this!" Dan exclaimed as he stormed into her bedroom. Dorota was following him, her face full of apology and concern. "Maybe you can, but I can't!"

Blair stared at him, horrified, embarrassed, and desperately trying to pretend she had no idea what he was talking about. She excused Dorota and began one of her speeches about manners which he interrupted with an eye roll and, "Blair, you're not going to pretend this isn't happening. I won't let you."

Blair was silent, gazing at him, imploring him to leave and not make her face this. Not in a room filled with mementos of Chuck she hadn't quite brought herself to smash yet. This time, Dan didn't fall for it.

"I don't cheat. I'm not a cheater. I can't even look at Vanessa right now –"

"Humphrey, you are a cheater," Blair spat out. If he refused to spare her illusions, then she wouldn't spare his feelings. "You fucked me – twice. And the last thing you were thinking about at the time was _her_."

Dan stared at her. Her vicious attack left him speechless, something only _she_ was capable of. Blair was bristling with anger and was delighted to have someone upon whom she could take it out on. When Dan turned and left without another word, she was furious with him for leaving her without a target to vent upon. The anger turned violent when she saw Chuck smirking at her from the photo frame she'd clung to the night before as she slept. Seizing it, she threw it across the room, satisfied by the sound it made as it hit the wall and the glass shattered. He was out there somewhere, thinking about her even as he fucked someone else. Someone blonde. Just because he knew that hurt a little bit more. Well, two could play at that game.

She arrived at the loft soaked from the rain falling outside. Maybe that's why Dan let her in. She looked the way she felt; as though she were barely treading water. When her hand went to his shirt, he grabbed her wrist, holding her still and away. She fought back, fought for him the way she kind of wanted Chuck to fight for her, and was surprised by how rough Dan Humphrey from Brooklyn could be. His fingers left bruises on her hips. His teeth marked her breasts. This, he hadn't learned from Serena, and Blair couldn't imagine him like this with Vanessa either. It was a shock to think that Dan had probably never had angry sex before. This was something else she could claim as entirely hers, and of course, Blair gave as good as she got. They didn't even make it to the bed.

By the time it was over, Dan was already horrified with himself. He'd let out his frustration and resentment on Blair's fragile body and welts were rising on her back already from the hardwood floors. Dan pulled her on top of him, wincing when he felt the paths Blair had torn with her nails hit the floor. How he would explain those to Vanessa, he didn't know.

Blair fell asleep on top of him, eager to return to the land of dreams where she could pretend it was Chuck holding her; that she deserved to be held this way. How Dan could fuck her the way he just did and then cuddle her close with such tenderness was something she was sure she'd never understand. It felt like an apology … or maybe he understood? She hoped he did. With all her heart.

They ignored each other for another few days until Dan turned up at her dorm again. Angry, again. But this time, he wasn't angry at her. He ranted about Vanessa applying for a course he'd wanted for years and Blair didn't listen. She remembered the auction from months ago and how she and Chuck had vied for a painting, fought for it, and ultimately relinquished it in favour of each other. She remembered how it led to the birth of the Empire hotel. She remembered and it hurt. She'd returned to her dorm after leaving Dan's loft a few days earlierand relished the marks he'd left upon her. They felt like penance. Now, they were fading.

She was about to approach Dan when he grabbed her and threw her down on the bed. Blair was grateful that he was coming around to her way of thinking and surrendered herself to him. Take it, she said with every kiss. He was gradually cleansing her, changing what had happened, fixing what the Basses had broken.

**NB** - So, what do you think? Reviews are gold =]


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